Category Archives: Humor

The Seven Stages of Swift

For all except the newest members of our Apple development community, the arrival of Swift is something that has to be reconciled against our previous and ongoing relationship with Objective-C. This handy reference will help to guide you through this journey. Where do you fall in the spectrum? How you will advance to the final stage?

Shock and Disbelief

Apple announced a new programming language? They didn’t. They couldn’t. This is not WWDC. That’s not Tim Cook. The world is upside down! Why is John Siracusa smiling?


Swift is not even a real programming language. I mean, it’s not replacing Objective-C. I mean, It’s not meant for real Cocoa programmers. I mean, it’s just Apple trying to satisfy those … weird programmers who like buzzwords! Objective-C is here to stay.


Oh crap, Swift is replacing Objective-C! Arrrrrrrggghhh! Why, Apple!? WTF? Where’s Objective-C 3.0? You’re killing Objective-C?! I love Objective-C. Die in a garbage collected fire!!!


I suppose Swift might be useful someday. Support for dynamic message dispatch is a start. If Apple gives me just one more Objective-C feature, I’ll give it a shot.


Ugh. I should really start learning about Swift one of these days! What is wrong with me?


Who cares? I could learn Swift, but what’s the point? My Objective-C skills are useless. Dot notation won. I feel this inexplicable weight in my arms. Static types are hanging from my arms. I can’t move my arms. Our apps are all going to die someday.

Acceptance and Hope

Holy crap, Swift made this so easy! Maybe I like Swift? I mean, I still love Objective-C, but I don’t love love it. Maybe we needed a new language. Maybe we were aching for a new language. Maybe we needed more buzzwords.

I like buzzwords.

(Why is John Siracusa smiling?)